Okay, I'm a chick. What do chicks know about comic books? I have to admit that in my case, the answer is "not a whole hell of a lot." For most comic adaptations, that single fact heightens my enjoyment of the film immeasurably. For others, it prompts me to ask the guys around me what the world is going on. In the case of Spider-Man, it was neither.

Meet Peter Parker. Average, ordinary, run of the mill, garden-variety geek. Wears thick dorky glasses; works for the school paper. I bet he was in the marching band, too. The first twenty minutes of this film establish very clearly the following things: Peter loves Mary Jane Watson. Mary Jane wouldn't notice Peter if his hair were on fire. Peter's best friend Harry Osborn also has a crush on Mary Jane. Harry's dad is a rich scientist guy who, like all rich scientists, must eventually turn evil.

In the comic, a radioactive spider bites Peter. While that was neat and swell when the comic first came out, Hollywood of the twenty-first century doesn't think radiation scares people anymore, and moved on to the next scary thing, genetically engineered spiders. I find the update to be a tad more believable.

So, Peter the Nerd becomes Peter the Genetically-Enhanced Spider-Man. Hilarity ensues.

Spider-Man moves forward at an extremely watchable pace, as Peter discovers his powers, learns how to use them, and, inevitably, turns to professional wrestling. The screenplay scored some major points with a friend of mine (who still has some leftover web-patterned t-shirts that say "I had an AMAZING time at Jeremy's Bar Mitzvah," if you want one) for remembering that Peter Parker, souped-up geek though he may be, is still a smart-ass. Only the Amazing Spider-Man can look Randy "Macho Man" Savage in the face and call him a fairy. Granted, he said it from about ten feet up, but still, that took balls.

And since no hero is any good without an evenly matched villain…

Meanwhile, over at Oscorp, Norman Osborn has a little science accident of his own. Voila, the Green Goblin! This film impressed me for not having some bizarre, take-over-the-world villainous plan; the Goblin really just wants to avenge the wrongs that have been done to him, and maybe create a little mayhem. That is, after all, what goblins do.

So, we have our hero, we have our villain, and it's all as clear cut and easy to follow as any fourth-grader could hope for. The action is well-written and well shot, even if some moments were excruciatingly CGI-ish, and some of the webslinging is enough to make you queasy. It moves fast, and you will leave the theater with no idea you just watched a two-hour movie. I was so enthralled, I even forgot to be uncomfortable in the theater seat.

Not to say, of course, that the film didn't have its faults. Although I'm not a professional movie critic (as you have probably guessed by now), this little column gives me license to pick on some of the most inconsequential tidbits imaginable. Stan Lee doesn't even have a single line, though he does an admirable job of ducking out of the way of falling masonry. Peter Parker discovers little hairs sticking out of his hands to aid in wall-climbing, but his feet seem to climb pretty well even with shoes interfering. Most of my complaints are small. Except one.

The love story, if it can really be called that, between Peter and Mary Jane is…flat. It's incidental, almost, despite the fact that Peter himself tells us at the beginning that "this story…is all about a girl." While M.J. wins the wet-victim contest hands down, aside from that one, gravity-challenged, sloppy kiss, the relationship between Peter and Mary Jane is ill-defined and completely lacking in oomph. There's a lot of story to be told, and a lot of cool-looking web travel, wall climbing, and jumping to work around, and the romance seems to have fallen by the wayside.

Sam Raimi has always been one of my favorite directors, though, and I must say, I was not disappointed in him. Raimi fans will notice the appearance of some of his favorite personal touches: the Classic, doing duty this time as Uncle Ben's car (which, I must admit, doesn't have a patch on Army of Darkness's Death Coaster); Bruce Campbell, with a shockingly small role as a wrestling announcer; and, of course, one of his brothers tossed in as a newspaper assistant.

Tobey Maguire completely surprised me. I went into the movie thinking that there was no way the Cider House kid could be a superhero, and was happily disabused of that notion. Peter Parker, like all alter egos, is a complex character, and it was refreshing to see a big-budget movie that focused both on the superhero and the secret identity. Maguire handles it like a pro, from A/V Club Geek to Stud in Spandex. Kirsten Dunst's Mary Jane Watson is beautiful and perky, though the character could have been developed quite a bit more. M.J. is just the girl next door, the best friend's girlfriend, and the character was almost torturously average. Willem Dafoe as Norman Osborn/Green Goblin is just plain creepy. Creepy is what Willem Dafoe does best, and there's nobody better at it, with the possible exception of Christopher Walken.

All in all, Spider-Man is truly just a fun movie. It's got enough humor to keep it light, enough angst to make it meaningful, and a well-disguised Xena cameo. If I was a real movie critic and anyone took my opinion seriously, I would tell you to see it before it leaves the theaters—the special effects were made for the big screen. Spider-Man is easily a four-asterisk movie, because I'm not quite cool enough to give out stars.