Once again, we are forced to ask the question, "What do I know about comic books?" And once again, the answer is "Not a whole lot." Usually, this helps when seeing a comic-based movie. I tend to enjoy it more, and any changes that were made go right over my head.

Until all the hype about the movie, I had no idea who Daredevil was. The only thing I knew was that in my old roommate's Spider-Man PS2 game, Daredevil shows up at one time and gives him some sort of information (I wasn't really paying attention, you see). At that point, said roommate explained to me that Daredevil was a blind superhero who nevertheless saved people and did good things. Being formerly legally blind myself (yay, laser surgery!), I thought that was pretty cool.

This movie was not.

The opening credits were pretty nifty, with a view of New York skyscrapers at night. Then most of the lights dim, and you're left staring at a whole bunch of little dots, which transform themselves into a name. After two or three times, you get the idea that those little dots must be Braille.

Cool. A neat idea, and a great allusion to a blind main character. But I guarantee 90% of the audience didn't realize it was Braille. And let's face it—many of the people who would recognize it don't go to the movies much anyway. So, who was that for?

The film starts in what I call "Voyager style," which is to say the audience gets plopped down right smack in the middle of the action, with no idea what's going on. Some guy in a red leather suit and a mask is clinging to the spire of a church, bleeding and obviously in some pain, whilst police helicopters shine searchlights around the city, looking for him.

This, we are all smart enough to figure out, must be Daredevil. He falls into the church, the priest tries to help him, and we're treated to a nice little voiceover and that very-favorite plot device, the inevitable flashback.

Meet little Matt Murdock. (Tangent: Why do all superheroes have to have alliterative names?) As a boy, he's blinded in a toxic waste accident that actually gave me flashbacks to a bad Chevy Chase movie (Modern Problems, for those of you who may not remember it—don't bother renting it, just trust me that it does exist.) Said accident not only blinds him, but sharpens his other senses to supernatural keenness. Gee, that's convenient. His hearing gives him a bat-like radar sense, he can follow one woman by smell through New York City (although I bet he couldn't do that in the subway), and I'm assuming he can also identify the ingredients in any dish by taste, though we didn't see a demonstration of that. Chefs must hate him.

Anyway, little Matt is orphaned when his boxer father refuses to throw a fight and is murdered by organized crime goons. Matt vows revenge in a very Bruce Wayne-like manner—right down to the red rose by the body—and the origin story is complete.

By this point, my friend Max was already trying to hang himself with his scarf, and I was idly wondering if I my ticket stub's edges were sharp enough to slit my wrists.

Ben Affleck as the adult, lawyer-by-day/superhero-by-night Matt Murdock is…well, pretty much the same as Ben Affleck as anybody. I like Ben. I do. But no matter what he does, be it cartoonist-in-love-with-a-lesbian to Shakespearean-thespian-extraordinaire to Jack Ryan, he is still always Ben. When my friends and I left the theater, I made the inevitable comment that Ben was bad, and Matt could have done better. To which Brian responded, "Hell, Minnie Driver could have done better." I couldn't argue.

Of course, we have the inevitable love interest. This time, it's super-buff rich-girl/martial-artist Electra (Jennifer Garner). I liked her. But no matter how many martial arts she studied, nobody outside the Matrix can jump like that unless they're a superhero. Daredevil can jump like that, regular rich chicks cannot.

Lest we forget the bad guys, there's Kingpin (Michael Clarke Duncan, who is awesome just because he's really that big), and Bullseye (Colin Farrell), who is rather charmingly insane. Kingpin's a big, evil dude who runs all the crime in the city. Bullseye is a skinny Irish guy who can throw anything with deadly accuracy. Both have extraordinarily apt names, but were seriously lacking in character development. I'd tell you more about them, but really, that's all you need to know, and that's all we get, anyway.

In short, all Daredevil contained was special effects and carnage. While I'm a big fan of carnage, and was very impressed that people actually died in a superhero movie, I'm getting sick of the effects. When there's a fight scene, I want to see a fight scene. I don't want to see two people flailing at each other with such rapid cuts and "edgy" editing that I can't see what's really happening. I spent ten dollars on this movie, and I feel no different than I would have if I had dropped that same ten down a sewer grate: cheated, and pissed that my money is now beyond my reach for no good reason.

The film did have one saving grace, though: Jon Favreau, as Ben's business partner. Jon Favreau is my second favorite, "Hey, it's that guy!" actor, next to Jeremy Piven. He gets the funny lines, and gives us a little exposition. But that one scene at the end, where he's holding the newspaper? Those aren't his hands. How do I know that, you ask? Because my friend Jeremy worked on the movie, and it was originally supposed to be his hands, but they found someone hairier. If those had actually been Jeremy's hands, the movie would have gotten at least one more full door.

Aside from a Kevin Smith cameo (with dialogue) and a Stan Lee sighting (without), nothing about this film really sticks out in my head. Usually, I see a movie at least twice if I'm going to review it, just so I'm sure I remember everything I need to.

I am so not doing that, this time.

Daredevil gets one and a half doors. I had been hoping it would be a good movie, marred only by the fact that Ben Affleck is not a superhero, no matter how good he looks in the outfit. Unfortunately, Ben in the leather seemed to be the best thing about it.

Other than another new X-Men 2 trailer, of course. Just like at LotR:TTT, that earns half a door all on its own.